


How to Get House to Plea Bargain

by Highlander_II



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Community: au_bingo, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-28
Updated: 2012-03-28
Packaged: 2017-11-02 15:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/370374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Highlander_II/pseuds/Highlander_II
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"'Far worse', is that your polite way of saying 'Leavenworth'?"</i> </p><p> </p><p>This is sort of a cross between 'House made a different choice in his life' and 'replace all the <i>JAG</i> players with House players'.  </p><p>House is up for a court martial and his lawyer, Cameron, is trying to get him a deal.  The problem is opposing counsel, Warner, isn't much on leniency.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Get House to Plea Bargain

"Where are we on the House case?" the Admiral asked, finger gliding down the list of his agenda.

Cameron flipped through a file as she spoke, "Going to Court Martial. Starts on Monday."

"I don't even see why this fell to JAG at all," Taub commented. "Why didn't his C.O. handle the disciplinary action?"

"Because," Kutner piped up, "his C.O. was tired of covering his six just for him to try to get it blown off again."

The other lawyers at the table tried to stifle snickers. Cameron, however, rolled her eyes. "He wasn't trying to get his six blown off, he was doing his job."

"Blowing up an encampment was part of his job?" Taub asked with a sneer.

"Save it for the courtroom," Chegwidden said, his tone authoritarian, but calm. "Hadley," he addressed the Ensign, "how goes the research for Warner's case against Vogler?"

"Pretty good, sir," Hadley responded. "We've collected and gone over all the evidence. Should be no problem."

"Very well. Dismissed."

* * *

"Commander," Cameron addressed her client. "I can probably get you a decent plea bargain if Warner's up for it..."

The Commander waved a hand. "She won't go for it."

"How do you know?" Cameron asked. "I haven't even talked to her yet."

"She doesn't like me," he stated with no more emotion than had he been discussing the weather.

Exasperated, Cameron slapped her hands on the desk. Her pen flipped through the air and landed out of reach. "Is there anyone working on this case that you haven't pissed off, sir?"

House squinted at the window behind Cameron's desk, thinking. He shook his head. "I think the JAG has yet to express an issue," he answered nonchalantly.

Cameron managed not to roll her eyes. "Dare I even ask, sir, what you did to Commander Warner to make her dislike you?"

The expression on House's face changed for the first time during the meeting. The stoic façade shifted into a wicked smirk of satisfaction. "Shot her with a paintball gun."

"Please tell me you didn't shoot her in the ass, sir," Cameron said with a very put-upon sigh. "We don't need any _more_ issues with this case."

The smirk bent into something near a slippery grin. "Nope."

Cameron took a deep breath. "I don't want to know."

House laughed. Unnerving his lawyer was becoming his new favorite pasttime.

* * *

"No chance," Lieutenant Commander Warner snapped when Cameron brought up the possibility of a plea bargain. "Your client's history of disciplinary problems is almost enough to have him booted out alone. Factor in that he destroyed an encampment and killed four civilians, you're lucky I'm not adding murder charges."

"Allegedly," Cameron muttered and rested her arms on the table. "He said you wouldn't go for it."

Warner's sigh was more amused than exasperated. "Of course he did." She shook her head. "He thinks I'm biased because of our prior relationship."

"Are you?"

"No," Warner replied. "Did he ask for the plea bargain?"

Cameron shook her head. "No. He is convinced you'll never agree to anything."

"So why'd you make the offer?"

"Because I think he's wrong," Cameron offered with a smile.

"Oh, he must love you," Warner remarked, voice dripping sarcasm.

Cameron did her best to maintain her composure. "Do we have a deal or not, Commander? I need to get back to my client."

Warner kept her eyes on the file in front of her for several seconds. The air conditioning unit rattled to life and blew strands of her hair around her face. "No confinement. Dock four months' pay. A letter of reprimand and he has to give forty hours of flight instruction."

Chair pushed back from the table, Cameron gave a nod. "I'll propose your offer to my client."

* * *

The offer wasn't bad as deals go, but Cameron had a sinking feeling House wouldn't go for it. Hell, she'd had to talk him into the deal she'd proposed initially. A deal even she knew Warner wouldn't go for. House was the single most frustrating client she had ever taken on, but she was determined to prove he had been doing his job when he'd taken out that encampment. She was fairly certain those 'civilians' weren't as innocent as the media had portrayed them.

Despite his reservations, Ensign Kutner was investigating the 'civilians' for her, in the event this mess actually ended up at court martial. Kutner was one of the better investigators, even if he didn't always seem to take the job seriously. And he was easier to work with than Taub.

When she found Commander House, he was sitting in a bar having an animated conversation with one of the judges. She stopped short. Was he trying to influence the bench? Was he trying to have her thrown off the case? What was he doing?

She stepped up to the pair and waited for a break in the conversation. "Excuse me, sirs," she began, "I have a new plea offer from the prosecution." She handed House a sheaf of papers.

"I've tried to get her to call me 'Master', but she doesn't listen," House commented to his companion.

"You should have joined the Marines," the Commander across the table from House bandied back.

House frowned. "And end up serving under my father? No." He read the papers handed to him, then dropped them to the table. "Will you sit down, Lieutenant? You look ridiculous." He nodded to the empty half of his side of the booth.

After a nervous minute, Cameron slid in beside him.

"Relax. We don't bite." House slid the papers across to her. "Go back and tell Stacy, no deal."

Cameron's jaw dropped. "This is a good offer. Excellent even. If we go to trial, the outcome could be far worse."

"'Far worse', is that your polite way of saying 'Leavenworth'?"

"That or 'dishonorable discharge'," the Commander across the table offered.

House smirked. "Jimmy, stop helping."

Cameron took a deep breath, then explained: "You could end up in jail, sir, or, like Commander Wilson said, discharged. This deal ensures that neither of those happen."

"But if I'm acquitted, then none-of-the-above happen."

"You won't be acquitted, sir," Cameron stated, very matter-of-fact.

House arched an eyebrow across the table at Wilson. "My lawyer thinks I'm guilty. That seems bad for my side."

"I don't think you're guilty. I just don't think you can win."

"Honest. That's good, right?" Wilson asked.

House snarled. "Not if it means I might end up in the pen'."

"So take the deal."

"I don't want the deal. I want the whole mess to go away. I did my job."

Wilson glanced at Cameron. She shrugged. "That's my argument. He was doing his job." A sigh. "I shouldn't be telling you this."

House drained his beer. "It's okay. I'd tell him anyway."

"So, that's still a 'no' on Commander Warner's deal?" Cameron attempted to obtain clarity for her original question. Her desire to go home to a long, hot bath was growing exponentially.

"Yup." House's answer was both brief and definitive.

"Fine. I'll let her know tomorrow. Good night, sirs." She slipped from the booth and started for her apartment.

House was far more frustrating than he needed to be. She was certain he was a bastard just to make her miserable. If he wanted the trial, she would oblige him. Tomorrow. Tonight, she was too exhausted.

* * *

House turned his head, watching Cameron exit the bar. He sat back in his booth, legs stretched out beneath the table. "If only she wasn't my lawyer," he commented and folded his arms behind his head.

"You would, wouldn't you?" Wilson asked over his glass.

Eyebrows bent in a 'v', House remarked, "You wouldn't?"

Wilson could only shrug. Feeding House's obsessions was not part of his job description. Toying with him, though, was always on the roster. "She's not really my type."

"Seriously?" For a moment House thought Wilson was not being facetious. Then he caught the subtle bend of his friend's mouth. "Jimmy, you are a bad, bad man."

Wilson's reaction was a knowing smile. This - the witty banter, the teasing - he knew well. What he didn't know was if House would get his head out of his own ass in time to save his neck.

* * *

At the hearing the next morning, he had his answer. He should have known House would never deal. But Cameron was smarter than even House had given her credit for. Her motions were on point and relevant. Especially when she asked him - the judge assigned to the case - to recuse himself. When Warner agreed, he nearly fell out of his chair.

He was fully prepared to step down and hand the case over to another judge, but Admiral Chegwidden wouldn't allow it. Wilson was certain his exact words were 'Unless you're fucking the defendant or one of the lawyers, you're better for this case than anyone else on the bench.' Not that the JAG had any true power over who sat for which cases, but he did have a point.

Halfway through opening statements, Wilson was ready to dismiss the charges. This court martial was going to be a disaster. He could already see it. When he called for a recess until the next morning, he was sporting a headache like someone pounding war drums in his head. The evidence and character statements - from House's C.O., Captain Cuddy, and a couple of his team members - Lieutenants Foreman and Chase - were making his head spin. He was certain the members weren't faring any better.

* * *

"House, take the deal."

"You're not allowed to talk to me without my attorney present," House nearly sing-songed at Warner.

She sighed. "I'm not here as opposing counsel. I'm here as a friend.

"Stacy," he growled, "we stopped being friends a long time ago."

He watched her reaction. She was stunned by his response. He thought she was more stunned with her own response. "And whose fault is that?"

"You're blaming that on me? Because I re-signed for five more years? I never said I was quitting."

"No, but you made me believe you were."

"What did you think was going to happen? That we'd get married and start a llama farm?" House countered. "I'm not sure if you noticed, I'm not much of a farmer."

Warner sighed. "Take the deal, Greg. It's the best option."

"For whom? Not for me. This will effectively kill my career."

"Your career is already dead!" she snapped. Then she immediately put a hand over her mouth. "Oh, Greg. I'm sorry."

"G'bye, Stacy," he tossed to her with a growl and stalked toward the stairwell.

* * *

Cameron stepped into Warner's office and pushed the door closed as hard as she could without slamming it. "I would appreciate it if you would refrain from engaging my client without his attorney present," she yelled.

"It was a casual conversation, Commander," Stacy rebutted.

"Not," Cameron was almost spitting fire, "when it begins with 'take the deal' and ends with 'your career is over'. I could have you disbarred for that."

Warner sighed. This fighting would be of no help. "He still won't take the deal, will he?"

Cameron rolled her eyes, anger deflated. "More than ever, he's against it."

"I'd drop the case altogether, but I can't. His C.O. would have my head. And the SecNav would join her."

"What's the SecNav have to do with this?" Cameron asked, brow furrowed.

"I assume he's still pissed over the incident with his niece." Warner knew what the look on Cameron's face meant. Filling in the relevant details was a necessity. "He was caught, by the SecNav, _in flagrante delicto_ with the SecNav's niece."

Cameron blinked. "And why is that a problem?"

"It was at the niece's engagement party."

* * *

"Are you out of your fucking mind, sir?" Cameron asked her client during one of their discussions.

"You think he'd say 'No'?" House asked, face the picture of innocence.

This was going on her third or fourth exasperated sigh of the conversation. "I think the SecNav may have a couple reasons not to decide in your favor."

House smiled. "Found out about his niece, huh?" At Cameron's gaped-mouth expression, he responded, "I know you talked to Stacy. It's true."

"You're a pig."

House offered an expression that clearly indicated he'd been called worse. "She started it. She didn't want to marry the guy anyway."

"Really? Top notch Naval Aviator. Blue Angels pilot. Sure, he was a horrible person."

"He wasn't her type."

"And you were?"

House shook his head. "No. She's a lesbian. I was convenient. She didn't want her family to know."

Cameron's face screamed 'indignant rage'. "And you were okay with that?"

"I had no vested interests on any side of the argument."

"None at all?" she asked him, unconvinced. "Then why were you at the party?"

House shrugged.

Cameron folded her arms over her chest and leaned against her desk. "No. I don't know you well, but I know you well enough to know you had a reason to be there."

She was a lot better at this than he had thought. Picking up on his less overt traits wasn't something most people managed quite so quickly. While Cameron was naïve in some respects, in others, she was amazingly well-versed. "Her fiancé screwed me out of a spot on the Blue Angels, so I screwed him out of a cushy marriage."

"That's cold."

"Him or me?"

"Both. What'd he do?"

"Ratted me out to my C.O. for something I didn't do."

Cameron's posture relaxed a little. "You wanted to be a Blue Angel pilot?"

House nodded once.

"Are you good?" she asked. She had seen his flying stats. She knew he was good. She wanted to know what he thought of himself.

He shrugged. "I'm pretty good."

That made her smile. He wasn't being humble, she knew that. But, he didn't want to overplay his skills.

"Why didn't you ever apply again?" she asked.

"I did. I was stone-walled, so I quit."

Cameron frowned. "That's not fair."

"That's politics." He shifted his focus to the window behind her. "I wanted that. I wanted it bad."

"Is that why you're wreckless in the air?"

"I'm not." He lowered his eyes to meet hers. "I do what needs to be done. And I do it when it counts."

"I'm surprised we haven't seen you here before now."

House laughed. "Couple times, it was close."

Cameron grinned back at him. "Let's get some dinner. You need good food before the rest of the hearing tomorrow."

"No hearing," House said with a sigh. "Take the deal. I want this over with so I can ask you out."

The shock on Cameron's face was worth the effort. "You're sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I'm sure."

"Okay. You'll be back in the air by Monday."

House only smiled in return. That's all he ever wanted anyway.


End file.
